Saturday, July 9, 2011

C is for Colgate... Among Other Things

It has been a while since I’ve submitted an anecdotal blog post. This might be because nothing of significance has occurred worth blogging about save the current pregnant status of my wife. However, today, I did something aligned with the ignorant theme of my blog I’d like to share.
My wife and I have been house sitting for my in-laws for the last week or so. We have been taking advantage of their swimming pool regularly as a way to beat the 116° Arizona heat. This morning we took a quick swim before Ashley went to work. It was very refreshing and cooled us off amply for the daily tasks ahead of us.  We finished our swim and returned to the master bathroom to get ready for the day. As we entered the bathroom I asked Ashley if I could use her toothbrush because mine was in the guest bathroom where we’ve been sleeping, she generously consented. I couldn’t find the toothpaste so I asked her where it was.
“It’s in the top drawer,” she said, “It’s a small tube.” Then she stepped out to water some flowers.
I looked in the drawer and promptly found the travel size Colgate toothpaste. I applied the standard pea sized dollop to the bristles and began the cleansing of my teeth. Within a few seconds I wondered why the paste wasn’t very minty. A thought flashed through my mind within a split second: Was it an alternative “healthy” “non toxic” toothpaste, the kind that doesn’t usually taste very good? But as I became more cognizant of the taste I realized something was very wrong. I took a closer look at the tube of Colgate toothpaste and discovered it was actually a tube of Cortizone cream.
I immediately realized my ignorant mistake and turned on the sink and began to rinse my mouth. It was too greasy. It wasn’t rinsing out of my mouth very well. Ashley returned from watering the flowers and saw me struggling to rinse my Cortizone infiltrated mouth. She asked if I was ok and according to her I said, “It doesn’t taste good! I don’t know what to do! Help me!” I don’t remember saying that due to the trauma I was experiencing. Hearing this and realizing I had inadvertently brushed my teeth with Cortizone she immediately started laughing at/with me. I requested a new toothbrush and some real toothpaste and expressed the need for haste. Unbeknownst to me, since I had my head in a sink, Ashley had to run to the toilet to relieve her bladder; the combination of uncontrollable laughter and the weight of the baby made a trip to the restroom a more pressing need than my fight with the greasy substance coating my mouth.
She finally returned with the new toothbrush and authentic minty Crest toothpaste, her face streaming with tears from the intense laughter. Obviously I doused the brush with the tasty paste and scrubbed my mouth with great vigor. Ashley was still laughing. And the laughing continued for some time. And recurs whenever the incident is discussed. I imagine we will laugh about this incident for years.
Take a moment to see for yourself how similar a tube of Colgate and Cortizone appear to be.  Also, I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Lesson learned.  


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